Menopause and Sex

Let’s Talk Sex

The way we feel about sex during or after menopause will often reflect how we felt about sex pre-menopause.  Some of us loved it, and some of us could take it or leave it. Therefore, as with most things, our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with sex before, during, or after menopause will be as unique as we are.

What we do know is sex is often hormonally driven and it is these hormones that deplete as we get older. During our fertile years, our want for sex will usually be higher just before we ovulate as nature tells us it’s time to get down to business. This increase in libido is due to oestrogen, a hormone that is high during the days before ovulation.

Proactive ‘vs’ Reactive

This doesn’t mean all is lost and after menopause, you will never enjoy sex again, this isn’t true, but sex may change for you.  Before hitting menopause, we may have been more proactive in our approach to sex (driven by our hormones) whereas post-menopause we may be more reactive. Meaning our bodies are more likely to become aroused when touched as opposed to being spontaneously aroused during ovulation.  Orgasms may also decline in their intensity and duration due to the decrease in blood flow to the vagina and clitoris but they will still be possible and enjoyable.

Sexual Self Esteem

We may also find that our sexual self-esteem starts to decline with age.  As our bodies age, we can become uncomfortable with what we see in the mirror.  We may put on weight, our skin will lose elasticity, our shape changes, bits droop and drop, pubic hair become thinner and goes grey, and our vaginas may feel dryer, or we may experience vaginal atrophy. During these times, we may need to show more compassion and kindness to our bodies. Our relationship with our bodies is important and accepting our changing bodies can really help us in the bedroom.

Getting in the Mood

Aching bodies, lack of sleep, stress, anxiety, and hot flashes (to name only a few symptoms) can interfere with our motivation for sex. Looking after ourselves is important during this time, we need to make sure we exercise, rest, eat the right foods, and minimise our stress where possible. Also taking the time alone or with a partner to be intimate is important. We must make the time to slow down and connect.

Vaginal dryness, discomfort or pain

Over-the-counter vaginal lubricants or moisturisers will usually help if you feel vaginal dryness. If you are still sore or you are struggling with discomfort speak to your GP as they can prescribe oestrogen cream or pessaries that will help lubricate the vagina and make penetration easier.

However, It’s Not All About Penetration

There is more to sex than penetration (digital or penile). There are so many ways to explore your own body and that of your partner without penetration. Sex is a whole-body experience so if penetration feels too much, focus on other things that arouse your body.

Communication

Speak to your partner about sex and how sex is for you during and following the menopause. If you are embarrassed, consider speaking to a Psychosexual Therapist who will help you to learn to communicate and find the language you need to tell your partner how you feel or what you would like.