Psychotherapist
Sometimes something happens that changes the course of your life. It might be an injury or disability, bereavement, abuse, the breakdown of a relationship, or another experience that leaves you trying to make sense of a life that looks very different from the one you expected.
You may have coped for a long time by simply getting on with things. Perhaps other people assume you are managing, while privately you feel anxious, disconnected or unsure of who you are anymore.
I work with people who are trying to understand what has happened to them and find a way forward. This includes people affected by trauma, life-changing injury and disability, sexual abuse, coercive or abusive relationships, grief and loss, shame, anxiety, relationship difficulties and loss of identity.
After a significant or traumatic experience, there can be pressure to recover, adapt or return to “normal”. But sometimes the person you were before no longer quite fits the life you are living now.
You might be struggling with losing independence, changes within your relationships or career, or a sense that you no longer know where you fit. You may find yourself asking why this happened to you, feeling disconnected from other people or wondering whether you will ever feel like yourself again.
Therapy doesn’t have to be about getting back to exactly who you were before. It can provide somewhere to understand what has changed, make sense of what you have experienced and begin discovering what moving forward might mean for you.
I have a particular interest in working with trauma, identity and shame. I also have experience supporting people affected by rape and sexual abuse, coercive and abusive relationships and experiences from earlier in life that continue to affect how they feel about themselves or relate to other people.
People sometimes arrive believing they should have dealt with what happened by now. Shame can make experiences particularly difficult to talk about, and you don’t have to tell me everything immediately.
We can take time to build trust and allow the conversation to develop at a pace that feels manageable.
I am fairly relaxed and informal in the way I work while maintaining clear therapeutic boundaries. I don’t want therapy to feel clinical or as though you are being analysed from the other side of the room.
I listen carefully, I’m curious about you as a person, and I’m comfortable using silence when you need time to find the words. There can also be warmth and humour in therapy when that feels appropriate.
I won’t rush you, but that doesn’t mean I will simply sit back and agree with everything you say. I may gently challenge something or notice a pattern that you haven’t seen yourself. My hope is that over time you begin to make sense of what has happened and see possibilities that might have been difficult to imagine before.
I work integratively, which means I don’t expect one therapeutic approach to suit everybody. The relationship we build is central to my work, and I believe you know your own life better than I ever can.
Sometimes we might explore earlier experiences and relationships and how they could be influencing what is happening now. At other times, we may look more closely at current thoughts, feelings, behaviours and patterns that seem to keep repeating.
I’m also interested in what happens in the body, particularly following trauma, when physical reactions can sometimes communicate something that is difficult to put into words.
We may explore different “parts” of you too, perhaps one part desperately wants something to change while another is frightened of what change might mean.
Talking isn’t always the easiest way to understand an experience. When it feels useful, I can work creatively using stones and other objects. Seeing something represented physically can sometimes help make sense of an experience or feeling that has been difficult to explain.
My understanding of life-changing injury isn’t purely professional.
I spent many years working in aviation before an accident resulted in a spinal injury. Alongside adapting physically, I experienced changes to my independence, relationships and career and had to reconsider who I was and what I wanted my life to become.
That experience eventually led me towards coaching, mentoring and psychotherapy.
I don’t assume that my experience is the same as yours. Disability, injury and trauma affect everybody differently. But I do understand something of what it can mean when the future you expected suddenly changes and you have to find a way to live with a different reality.
Some men find it particularly difficult to reach out for therapy. There can be an expectation that you should manage, adapt and work things out for yourself.
As a male therapist, I’m comfortable talking openly about subjects that can sometimes feel difficult or embarrassing to bring into the room. That can include identity, relationships, shame, trauma, disability and changes to sex and intimacy following illness or injury.
You don’t need to arrive knowing exactly what you want to say. “It’s too much and I don’t know what to do” is enough of a place to start.
I am a member of the BACP and hold a CPCAB Level 4 Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling, alongside Level 2 and Level 3 counselling qualifications.
My additional training and CPD includes trauma-focused CBT, Parts work and Internal Family Systems concepts, autism and ADHD, suicide awareness, safeguarding and domestic abuse. I also have a background in mentoring and coaching.
I spent around 30 years working within the corporate aviation industry before becoming a therapist, working with people from a wide range of cultures, religions, backgrounds and life experiences.
Availability: Mondays and Tuesdays
Session length: 50 minutes
Fees: From £65
Student rate: £50
Location: Cherry Tree Centre, Henley-on-Thames and online
If you would like to explore counselling with Ian, complete the form below and our team will be in touch to discuss whether he may be the right fit for you.